Dear Emily,

So where does the courage come from to write this letter to you?  I just don’t know, but I know I can do it.   I am strong enough to grieve.

It has been 3,119 days since you were stolen from us, killed by that driver of the sanitation truck in Philadelphia, not held accountable for killing you.  One of the first things Jack said was ”Mom, she was alone, she was scared, needing us”.  I can’t think about that day, I try not to, because I am afraid I would fall down a hole that I would not be able to claw my way out of.  The horror of thinking what happened to you, so innocent, getting up that day and heading to work on your bike, your day starting as it usually did.  I know the driver didn’t wake up that morning and say I’m going to kill Emily Fredricks, but because of his multiple actions, you were killed, traumatically, tragically and your death was preventable.  Emily, you were betrayed by the systemand by that driver who was negligent.

Emily on her 21st birthday July 7, 2013, Lake George, New York

When we traveled to the hospital in Philadelphia from our home in New Jersey, we knew you had died.  The Emergency Room doctor told us over the phone.  Cruel, insensitive, wrong?  How did the four of us drive there, devastated, in disbelief.  We found out that you were an organ donor, but only able to donate some organs, because of what happened to you.  But there are people out there with your skin, yourcorneas, your bones, your heart valves.  Thank you for being so selfless.

Emily, your brothers are married and Dad and I are blessed with two lovely “daughters.”  The despair I feel for Michael and Jack, their lives forever changed because you are gone.  It is one of the hardest parts of this grief, knowing I can’t fix it for them.

Rich, Emily, Michael, Laura, Jack, Asbury Park, New Jersey, Spring 2017

Oh, how I miss so many things about you, your smell, the way you would hold my hand, your laugh, the sound of your voice, your kindness, the way you loved to nap, your creativity.  Dad and I were thrilled to find your beautiful watercolor paintings.  We use your paintings on wine bottles, candles, cards, magnets for your Foundation.  I have just started a watercolor class, and I think of you the whole time.

Emily’s Art

Dad and I have become advocates for making the streets safer, but safer is not enough.  I prefer to say “safe.”

On May 21 we attended the PA Safe Roads PAC fundraiser in Philadelphia.  I brought French macarons in your honor.  I am very proud of the work we do with the PAC.   We know that passing safe streets legislation is difficult in Pennsylvania, and we are committed to informing those in Harrisburg about policies in transportation that are proven to reduce fatalities and injuries.  Zero Traffic Deaths is the only acceptable number, and we are fighting every day to get there.

Marissa Perrone at Emily’s ghost bike at the corner of Spruce and 11th Streets

On June 8 we gave out five scholarships in your memory at the high school.   It is inspiring to read the students’ essays and hear about their hopes and dreams.  Dad cried every time he sat down to read the applications.  We have done this every year since you were killed, and we take the opportunity to talk about you, about the epidemic of traffic violence, and we hope that telling your story will reach  the young drivers that are in the audience, and hopefully they will think of you as they get behind the wheel, and drive safely, undistracted, and within the speed limits.  The high school coaches also pick an athletic award to honor you, a student athlete that exhibits your lovely qualities.  Your memory lives on at the high school in these awards and also where there are beautiful memorial benches in the foyer.

Rich, Laura, Emily, Michael and Jack at Emily’s Scholarship Awards, East Brunswick, New Jersey

East Brunswick High School, East Brunswick, New Jersey

Dad and I went to the Capitol in Harrisburg PA on June 9.  AGAIN we were lobbying for Parking Protected Bike Lanes (HB 291).  This bill is named after you and Susan Hicks, a young woman killed in Pittsburgh in 2015.  PPBL was first introduced in 2017, the year before you were killed.  Can we count how many lives have been lost in these years due to the lack of will of our Legislators?  Emily, it is an emotionally draining day, having to tell our story of losing you over and over again, but Dad and I do it because we know that we are saving lives.  Without advocates, nothing would get done.

Rich and Laura in Harrisburg PA

We went to Harrisburg representing Families for Safe Streets and PA Safe Roads PAC.  The people involved in these organizations are very special—families like ours who have lost their loved ones, and also others who know that complacency is the enemy and they are determined to stand with us and demand change.  These folks hold us up with their kindness and compassion.  We are so grateful for our friends.  We have met so many wonderful people on this journey, but I would hand them all back to have you with us.  

Every day I think I’m going to wake from this nightmare and you will walk through the door.  I didn’t think I could ever feel this sad, this forlorn, this bottomless pit of yearning for you.  I am learning to find a way to live with pain that doesn’t go away.  

Dad and I have help, a wonderful therapist, and we started sessions with her right after you were killed.  We can’t ever imagine not being with her, having her help us navigate all of these feelings.  

I read something recently in the second The Thursday Murder Club book by Richard Osman.  A young woman was killed.  “How unfair to die in your twenties with all that fun ahead of you.  The kisses and the boat rides and the flowers and the new coats.  Those poems she will never read to a new lover.  Whoever killed her took something beautiful.”  You have been stolen from us, stolen from the life you had yet to live.  

Emily, I will love you forever, and every day that passes brings me closer to seeing you again.

Love, Mom

Written by Laura Fredricks

PA Safe Roads PAC Board Member

Mother of Emily Claire Fredricks (7/7/92-11/28/17)